Mermaids Facts To Scream Over Your Uncle’s Racist Rants This Thanksgiving
Dreading another Thanksgiving full of stiff conversation and screaming fights? Let’s face it, in our polarized society, coming together for Thanksgiving can tear your family apart. But not to worry! According to experts, there’s one surefire technique to surviving the holiday intact. The minute your aunt or uncle starts saying something racist, just scream a random fact about mermaids at them. That’s right! Everyone loves mermaids, and the louder you scream fun facts about those seabound seductresses of the deep, the less everyone else will be able to hear your cousin’s thoughts on abortion. So memorize these details, and turn that offensive feast into a celebration of mermaid merriment.
“Some say the modern myth of mermaids originated when Christopher Columbus spotted manatees off the bow of his ship,” is something you could say loud enough to drown out your uncle’s theory that millions of immigrants voted illegally in California.
“The popularity of mermaids is often traced back to Hans Christian Andersen’s 1836 fairytale The Little Mermaid” you can screech at the top of your lungs as your aunt reads facts about QAnon off her flip phone.
“A temple in Fukuoka, Japan has housed the remains of a supposed mermaid since 1222,” is great to holler in the face of your father as he demands your 11-year-old nephew tell him what happened to the DNC server.
“Mermen, the male version of merfolk, are known to be shyer than their female counterparts,” you could go hoarse wailing so no one notices that your grandpa is demanding to know if your son is gay.
Yelling, “The legendary showman P.T. Barnum displayed the ‘Feejee Mermaid’ in the 1840s, sewing together the corpses of a monkey and fish,” just might help everyone forget that your aunt just dropped the n-word (at least long enough to finish dinner and get the hell out of there).