Can Hedgehogs Consent? I Say Yes
There is overwhelming evidence, mostly on the websites I frequent, that hedgehogs can consent. They understand the concept of consent and by God, I will prove it! I NEED to prove it! I’m compiling evidence here in hopes that it will enlighten readers and also get my girlfriend off my back about my browser history.
Proof: They Are Prickly
Everyone knows that hedgehogs are prickly as hell. Especially those of us that have spent way too much time at the petting zoo (and have been banned from the petting zoo). If hedgehogs continue to have sex despite knowing and experiencing the risks, I say they can consent.
Proof: They Demonstrate More Understanding Than the “Shape of Water” Fish
If we use the fish man from The Shape of Water as the bar for which animals can and can’t consent, hedgehogs definitely count. All that fish man demonstrated was that he understood “egg” and suddenly it was “okay” for humans to have sex with him? Come on. Even hedgehogs are smarter than that. Or they at least understand more foods.
Proof: Why Would Game Developers Make Them Sexy?
It’s not just me. The Sonic games are hot. Shadow, Knuckles, Amy, and Rogue exude sex appeal. And game developers don’t just make random animals sexy for no reason. Remember Candy Kong? There HAD to be a reason for Candy Kong, or else Donkey Kong 64 would have just been stupid. Right? Right. The people who make Sonic games must know something we don’t and I think it’s that hedgehogs can consent to sex (and also sometimes they have bat wings.) Technically, Knuckles is an echidna, but this just proves my point because they’re even less intelligent than hedgehogs and they can still be sexy. Also they lay eggs. Just putting that out there.
Proof: The Good People at DeviantArt Wouldn’t Mislead Me
By now we have all spent at least two years of our lives looking at “pregnant Sonic” images on DeviantArt. The good people at that website would never, ever be creepy; therefore Sonic has consented to sex in order to get pregnant in non-canonical drawings. It’s just science.
Also, What Is Doctor Eggman All About and Why Am I into It?
This doesn’t really count as “proof hedgehogs can consent,” but I want to know.