How To Make Peace With The Koalas Your Boss Hired To Cut Down On Overhead
Work is, well…work. Most of us would rather be doing almost anything else. But a paying job is also a necessary part of life for the vast majority of us humans, and the sooner we accept it, the more content we’ll become. Which is exactly why it’s critical that you make peace with the adorable koalas your boss recently hired to cut down on overhead.
We know, we know: Jerry’s decision to let go of over 30% of company staff and replace them with several dozen large marsupials was questionable at best. But at the end of the day, you work for him. Sure, the koalas are both vicious and disruptive (not to mention their accounting skills are noticeably subpar), but workplace transitions are inevitable, and it’s important to be flexible.
So in the spirit of embracing change, here are 5 tips for turning your workplace koala problem into a workplace koala solution.
Use “I feel” statements when interfacing with the koalas.
This is interpersonal skills 101. “You” statements, as in, “You destroyed several hundred thousand dollars worth of inventory last night,” or, “You took a poop on my desk” comes across way harsher than, “I feel like you took a poop on my desk.” See what we mean?
Focus on action points.
An action point is a concrete step you can take to get tangible results. In this case, it might be something like, “Stop making direct eye contact with the koalas, as experience has shown it enrages them,” or even just, “Work under your desk more.”
Attempt a truce.
You and the koalas may never be friends, but you can at least potentially peacefully coexist. Offer the beasts something they enjoy, like Eucalyptus leaves, or a gift card to Chili’s.
Think About the WIIFM Factor (“What’s In It For Me?”)
Or more specifically, the WIIFMIIMPWTSK Factor (“What’s In It For Me If I Make Peace With These Savage Koalas?”). In this case, you get not one, but several crucial benefits. Firstly, you’ll prove to Jerry you’re a team player and a great candidate for middle management. You’ll also finally be able to stop worrying so much about the creatures’ razor-like beaks piercing your neck and abdomen again.
Just try to forget what life was like before the koalas.
Here’s the deal: The koalas are here to stay. Yes, productivity is down, workplace moral has never been lower, and you’re still not sure where Jerry got 27 (potentially rabid?) koalas in the first place. But Jerry’s dad owns this stock card company, and it is what it is. Plus, the entire HR team is koalas now, and they’re petty AF.
Basically, either accept this as the one and only way you’re gonna cut down on overhead, or start looking for a new place of work. And for the love of God stop making eye contact with the koalas.